Livin' La Vida Loca En Peru Part V

My trip to Peru looked a lot different than I thought it might. Even though I left my "white American Christian helping those poor people" hat at home, I was still a bit surprised when I realized my assistance wasn't really needed. Pleasantly surprised, I think. They appreciated my effort & thanked me for coming. But they would have done just fine without me.

On my last day, an 8-year-old girl asked if she could pray for me before I left. She bowed her head and began, "Dear God, thank you for... what's your name again??"

And that was pretty much the flavor of my trip. The reality of it is, the kids I met in Peru have likely left an incomparibly larger impression on my life than I would ever leave on theirs. And I'm okay with that.

And to conclude my entries from Peru, here are a few more summary reposts:

Stepping Back
I am glad to be alive. I am grateful to live where I live, both here and in Philly. I am more than glad to be at Jim and Sara's. There's nowhere else in the entire world I'd rather be, although I can think of plenty of places I wouldn't want to be. I have never felt like I live a really luxurious lifestyle, but I am surprised at how many materialistic things I am glad to have. And would really prefer to have. And am glad I have access to on a regular basis. Like water, for instance. Or a shower curtain.

Can I share something? More than anything, this trip has given me time to sit with my thoughts. I have been disenchanted with Christianity for a while. It's been so long since I have felt close to God... since I felt some sort of guidance, or even felt like He is there. With this distance, it seems that all I find myself looking at are Christians-- a poor and broken reflection of who He is. When I look at my fellow Christians, I want nothing to do with Him.

And yet I still dare to hope-- to have this inexplicable and sometimes undesirable hope that there is a God and that He does hold me close to his heart. That the overwhelming hypocrisy of Christians-- of which my own rings most true-- is not in any way related to who He is. That this would be a God that I'd want to believe in, that I'd want to know, that I'd want to be vulnerable with.

And this foolish hope that I have is really based on nothing. Nothing other than the feeling that my life would be incomparably different if I had not, at some point, encountered this God.

Sitting alone with your thoughts in a foreign country for a month. At points, I would wish it upon no one. At other points, I wish it upon everyone. After all is said and done, I think it's deeply good.