What's A Girl Gotta Do To Get A Returned Phone Call?

It's 90 degrees outside, but this is the type of story that requires the accompaniment of a chai latte. And having just made one in my little office kitchen, I think I'm prepared to tell it.

First things first: I have a job. I was hired about 6 months ago as an Administrative Assistant temp. Though this is not what I studied in college or what I seek to do long-term, I am immeasurably grateful for it. A month ago they offered me a permanent position! I accepted. I haven't seen any paperwork to date, but I have high hopes that maybe they'll stand by their word and make it official on the day my contract ends with the temp agency.

Now let me bring you up to speed on the saga of another unofficial job offer. A timeline just might be the easiest way to tackle this one.
August 3, 2009. 3:53PM
My aunt has been telling me for years to apply for a particular wireless carrier because it’s both lucrative and they offer 100% tuition reimbursement. Consider it done.

October 12, 2009. 6:57PM
An HR manager, let's call him "Mike," called me. Much to my delight, we scheduled a phone interview for 10AM the following day. I took it as a sign, quit my bartending job and drove 5 hours to my parents’ house in the middle of the night.

October 13, 2009. 10:17-11:04AM
Mike called. Despite my grogginess from the late-night arrival, I nailed it. Despite his all-about-business attitude, we were practically friends by the end of it. He joked that I asked so many questions about the company and the position that he felt like he was the one being interviewed. We finished to the tune that I'd hear from him either way within 10 business days, but likely sooner. This meant no later than October 27th. Training for the position would start November 9th.

October 17th, 2009
A family member that manages a wireless store wrote an email to Mike, recommending me for the position and highlighting my outstanding work ethic and qualifications.

October 26th, 2009
I emailed Mike, thanking him for the interview and expressing my continued interest in the position. I never received a response.

October 28th, 2009. 4:02pm
I called Mike and left a voicemail checking in on the status of my interview.

October 30th, 2009
I called Mike and left another voicemail. Let me be very clear: I was not annoyed. I did, however, recently quit my job and felt anxious to see my next paycheck. All of the while, I used my extra time apply for more positions at other companies.

November 2nd, 2009. 12:39PM.
Mike called me back, wondering if anyone had ever contacted me. He informed me that there had been a "miscommunication," but that I made it through the interview process to round 2. The in-store manager, let's call him "Ernie," contacted me to arrange an interview for November 9th, the day that I was originally hoping to begin training.

November 9th, 2009
It's taken a year of practice to become this good at interviewing. They loved me! We were laughing, chatting about our favorite local spots in Philly and going over the details of the position. Ernie excitedly told me about earning his second free Master's degree, working for a company that "really takes care of their employees." Ernie read my entire portfolio of newspaper articles from front to back and seemed very impressed. Said he'd be in touch "really soon." Shaking his hand, I never felt more confident that I'd get the position.

November 13th, 2009
I called Ernie and left a voicemail, thanking him for the interview.

November 23rd & 24th, 2009
I called Ernie and left 2 voicemails, checking in on the status of my second interview. Requested returned phone call.

December 2nd, 2009
Called the store and reached another manager. He said, "Ernie hasn't contacted you yet? He must not have made a decision. The position is still open... you should hear from him soon."

December 7th, 9th, 14th, 2009
One month anniversary of my 2nd interview! Left 3 more voicemails requesting a returned phone call.

I felt it was important to take a break for Christmas, seeing as it's such a busy time for the wireless business.

December 27th, 2009
I called the store and asked for Ernie. I caught the other manager again. He sounded incredulous that I had not yet been contacted. "We still have two open sales positions! He needs to get in touch with you. He is in a meeting right now, but I will try to catch him before he leaves and have him give you a call. If that doesn't work out, I will call you back myself."

December 29th, 2009
I called the store again and asked for Ernie. I heard the employee say, "Ernie, you have a phone call." Ernie replied, "Who is it?" The employee said, "Christie." Ernie said, "I'm busy with a customer." The employee relayed the message to me with assurance that Ernie would call back later. I asked if I should give my phone number. He said, "No."

January 4th, 2010
Left another voicemail on Ernie's phone.

January 7th, 2010
ERNIE CALLED ME!!!!!! Left me a voicemail explaining that the holidays have been busy and they didn't actually interview anyone besides me. He planned to resume the interviewing process and make a decision by the end of the February.

February 23rd, 2010
I called Ernie and left a voicemail noting the end of February, checking to see if they had come to a decision.
I WENT INTO THE STORE. When Ernie spotted me from across the room, his countenance immediately transformed and he looked sore afraid. I approached the counter, surrounded by customers and Sales Representatives and reintroduced myself with a smile. "Ernie, Christie Davis." He said, "I know who you are." I kid you not; every Sales Rep. stopped what they were doing and looked at me when I said my name. I know I'm not making this up because one of them actually said something out loud: "Christie Davis? He has been talking about you all day at our sales meeting." To make a long story short, Ernie brought me into the staff-only area and told me that an employee is leaving and he'd like to hire me. He told me the person might be leaving in a few weeks. With nothing in writing and no start date, he scooted me out the door.

March 9th, 2010
I called Ernie's cell. HE ANSWERED! He picked up saying, "Hello, Christie." I said, "Hi Ernie! You have my number memorized?" He said, "Yes, I do. I love it when you call me every day; it makes me feel good." He had an update! The position would likely be open April 1st and he'd like to hire me. "I have never seen someone come stand in the middle of the store trying to get a job before. Believe you me; I cannot wait for the day that I can tell you that you're hired!" I said, "Okay, Ernie, I'll be in touch. Hopefully you'll be in touch, but I'll be in touch."

March 26th, 2010
I decided it was time to be in touch. I called the store. The employee who answered told me that Ernie no longer works there. HE NO LONGER WORKS THERE, PEOPLE. He transferred to another store. Don't you worry; I figured out exactly which store and obtained the phone number. I'm trying to figure out what angle to take when I call.

Any suggestions?

I know that was lengthy, so here is the total count:
Interviews: 2
Phone calls: 20
Messages left for Ernie: 14
Returned phone calls from Ernie: 1
Emails sent: 2
Response emails: 0
Visits to store: 1
Unofficial job offers: 2
Total time span thus far: 8 months